you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
