the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
