took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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