i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
