i love accidental penises.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
