Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
