we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
