and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
