even my farts smell like vagina
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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