FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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