Screwed.edu
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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