I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
