yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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