New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
