Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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