Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
