I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
