so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
