Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
