So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
