so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
