in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
