His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
