It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
