i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
