I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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