White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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