you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
