By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
