Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
