My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
