so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
