We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just found puke in my bra..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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