Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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