We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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