First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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