My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
