I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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