my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
