I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
