They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
