i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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