Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
