if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You were trust falling into bushes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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