filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
