So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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