check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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