My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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