We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
