We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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