I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He shit in the fireplace
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
