so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
