what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
